


Psychedelic

by Twyd



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Doppelganger, Look At Your Life Look At Your Choices, M/M, Music, Paranormal, Pre-Slash, Slash, Supernatural Elements, Trippy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 14:32:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13125666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twyd/pseuds/Twyd
Summary: "He hadn’t imagined it. It is himself he sees in the bar, not a reflection, but himself and Izaya, talking to each other. Really them, in white and shocking pink versions of their usual clothing, with headphones snug around their necks, identical drinks in front of them."





	Psychedelic

**Author's Note:**

> So Santa has brought me an early gift of writing motivation, and my family is wondering what the hell I'm doing. Lol.

Shizuo’s on his way home. He’d worked a little late, and it’s close to midnight now, witching hour. He's tired. Bars are closing, the lights dim, so maybe he’s imagining it. He must be. He freezes just past the bar window. Stands there like a statue, cigarette still in his mouth, trying to process what he’d seen. He steps backwards like a wind-up toy until he is in front of the window again.

He hadn’t imagined it. It is himself he sees in the bar, not a reflection, but himself and Izaya, talking to each other. Really them, in white and shocking pink versions of their usual clothing, with headphones snug around their necks, identical drinks in front of them. They don’t look like they’re arguing. Their heads are low and close to each other, intimate in the bar’s low lighting. It’s not actually Izaya either. He's identical, but Shizuo can somehow tell it’s not Izaya. Not-Izaya spots him then, and lifts a hand and waves, like they know each other. Shizuo stiffens, as his doppelganger also turns back and waves. They are smiling at him like he’s an old friend.

 _Run away_ , he thinks to himself. _You’re obviously crazy. You’ve been working yourself too hard._ _Run now and forget all about this._

 _Don’t be stupid_ , he argues with himself. _There must be some explanation for this. These are clearly two jokers who are messing with you. Cosplayers, maybe. Go in and show them they can’t fuck with you._

By the time Shizuo’s convinced himself to confront them and stalked into the bar, he’s mad as hell.

They are still smiling as he approaches the table.

“Hi,” non-Izaya says, who is definitely _not_ Izaya, although the voice and mannerisms are spot on. 

“Is this a joke,” Shizuo says slowly, and they both shake their heads, looking sympathetic now.

“You want a drink?” Non-Shizuo offers.

“It’s OK,” non-Izaya says, when Shizuo doesn’t reply. “He’s a terrific bartender.”

Shizuo consents to a drink, if only because this probably isn’t real, so it doesn’t matter if they poison him.

He stares at non-Izaya when they’re alone. The informant's twin is smiling at him in a non-malicious way, and it completely transforms his face. He’s beautiful.

“I’m really here,” he says. “You can touch me if you want.”

Shizuo reaches out and brushes the fingers against the soft fur of his jacket.

“You’re not Izaya, though,” he says.

“I’m not _your_ Izaya,” non-Izaya clarifies.

“So what are you? Are you an informant too?”

“Yup. I’m not very good, though.” He gives a self-deprecating little smile. “I don’t like causing trouble.”

Shizuo stares at him.

“So, am I – I mean, is he – “ he jerks his head at his clone over at the bar. “A good bartender?”

“Oh, yeah,” non-Izaya says, nodding hard. “He’s the best. You should try his cocktails.”

Non-Shizuo brings back their drinks.

“This is nuts,” Shizuo says, instead of thanking him. “Can one of you explain to me what the hell is going on?”

They look at each other and shrug.

“There’s not much to explain,” Non-Shizuo says. “We’re just sitting here having a drink. We do it a lot We’ve just got back from a concert.”

“No, I mean…your existence? You guys are the opposite of me and Izaya? What’s that about? Are you clones or ghosts or what? Am I crazy?”

They both shrug again.

“It’s confusing for us, too,” Non-Izaya says. “We’ve always been sort of aware of you guys, but it’s not really anything to do with us. We’re not clones. We’re not ghosts. We’re just…you. We’re you and Izaya.”

“Except you’re nice,” Shizuo says to non-Izaya.  He turns to his doppelganger. “And you’re…pretty fucking mellow, I’m guessing.”

He nods.

“So is it a parallel universe? Does everyone have a double who’s their opposite?”

“I don’t know about that,” other-Shizuo says. “I think you’re probably not supposed to see us. Tonight must be a one off.”

“Why? What’s special about tonight?”

He shrugs. “Nothing that I know of. Maybe the universe is trying to tell you something.”

“OK,” Shizuo says slowly. He takes a sip of his drink. It tastes normal, if better than anything he could ever make himself. “So, what have you guys been doing? You said you went to a show?”

“A concert,” Non-Izaya says. “We always go to concerts and live music bars, and karaoke, sometimes. We’re just stopped here for a drink. He owns this place.” He nods at non-Shizuo.

Shizuo deflates a little. He’s _definitely_ dreaming. There’s no way he’d ever have his own bar, clone or no.

"What concert did you guys go to?"

Non-Izaya names someone he'd never heard of before.

“He's a classical pianist. We’ve seen him before. It was so beautiful, Shizuo. You should go with your Izaya.”

“My…huh? I don’t go anywhere with Izaya. Are you guys – friends?”

“Best friends,” non-Izaya says happily.

Shizuo talks to them a little longer He glances around now and then, to see if anyone stares at them, but it's like they are invisible. He’s careful with his drink too, but the whole thing is still surreal. He somehow finds himself more weirded out by Izaya’s double than his own.

“You’re so nice,” he keeps saying. He can’t get over it.

“ _Your_ Izaya’s nice too,” non-Izaya protests. “Underneath. Just like this guy has a temper, underneath.” He gives non-Shizuo’s arm a little shake, who is unoffended.

Something occurs to Shizuo then.

“Hey, can I take a picture of you guys?”

“Sure!”

They put their arms around each other and make a peace size while Shizuo points his phone at them.

“Take lots!” non-Izaya says cheerily.

“He just wants a momento,” Non-Shizuo laughs at him. “Not a photo shoot.”

They bicker good-naturedly in between shots. Shizuo half-expects the images to be blurred, but they’re as sharp as the table in front of him. Shizuo doesn’t know if this makes him feel better or worse.

“I’d better be going,” he says slowly. “Will I see you guys again?”

 “Who knows?” Non-Izaya says. “Maybe not. But don’t worry about it, Shizuo. I promise you’re not crazy, and we’re not evil spirits or anything like that.”

He quite likes Izaya, _non_ -Izaya, calling him by his real name. _He’s so nice_ , Shizuo thinks again. He can sort of see non-Shizuo smirking at him as he stares at Izaya, laughing at him, no doubt, but it doesn’t really matter. Izaya looks really beautiful in white too, despite the shocking pink. Both their eyes are a matching pink, inhuman and unreal. 

Shizuo shakes his head a final time and leaves them there.

-

Shizuo is on his way home when he sees Izaya himself. The real Izaya.

“Izaya! I-ZA-YA!”

Izaya jumps a little. He drops back a few steps, about to run.

“Wait!” Shizuo says, hurrying up to him. “Izaya, you won’t believe what I just saw, I - ”

He pauses then. How the hell can he explain it without sounding nuts?

“Well?” Izaya says tersely.

Shizuo struggles, losing confidence by the minute.

“I…”

Izaya is staring at him, eyebrows raised. Shizuo’s reminded of the Izaya from a few moments ago, the way he smiled at him, the warmth in his eyes, and has to look away.

“Um, you know what, never mind.”

He backs off, feeling stupid.

“Shizuo,” Izaya calls after him. “We live in a town with zombies and a dullahan. Whatever it is, I might be a little less sceptical than you think.”

He has a point.

Shizuo takes a deep breath.

“Well, I just saw these two guys, and they looked just like us.”

Izaya’s smile fades, disappointed. 

“Oh. Yeah, I once saw this guy who looked just like you. It was uncanny. He even had- “

“No.” Shizuo is shaking his head. “I mean, these guys actually _were_ us. I went in and talked to them. They had different clothes, but that was it, they had our voices and our names and everything. I know it sounds nuts, but it’s true.”

Izaya is frowning at him.

“Someone was probably playing a joke on you,” he says. “There are TV shows that do stuff like that.”

“At 1 in the morning in a deserted bar?”

Izaya shrugs.

“Well, what else could it be? Evil spirits?”

“I don’t think so. They said they weren’t.”

Izaya rolls his eyes, looking bored of the whole subject.

“I think you’re playing a trick on _me_ , Shizu-chan, only it’s not very funny.”

“I have proof!” Shizuo says suddenly, remembering his phone. He gets it out of his pocket and opens the photo app. He half expects to finds several photos of empty chairs, but his and Izaya’s twins are there as clear as ever, smiling into the camera. Shizuo hands the phone over, and watches Izaya’s face as he swipes through them.

“Wow,” he says. “This is incredible. Is this Photoshop or what?”

“It’s not Photoshop,” Shizuo growls. “They were really there.”

“Incredible,” Izaya repeats. He shakes his head and hands the phone back. “I have no idea how you – or they – pulled that off, but it’s very well done. And those outfits are a riot! You should put them on Facebook or something. Half the town would die of laughter.”

“Izaya,” Shizuo snarls, and he’s almost in tears of frustration. Then he’s struck with inspiration. “Come back to the bar with me,” he says. “They might still be there, or someone will remember them. Please. You’ve got nothing to lose. Worse case scenario is I’m crazy, and you can gloat over it forever.”

“You are definitely crazy, Shizu-chan,” Izaya tells him. He looks tired, and bored, but something softens as he looks into Shizuo’s eyes. He almost looks like the Izaya Shizuo had been talking to half an hour ago. “ _Fine_.”

He sighs and complains all the way there, though.

“How far now, Shizu-chan?”

“Not far,” Shizuo mutters. The truth is, he’s getting nervous. What if he really is crazy? Does he honestly expect to find perfect replicas of himself and Izaya, chatting away where he’d left them?

“I think it’s time to see Shinra for some happy pills, Shizuo,” Izaya tells him, reading his mind.

“Shut up, Izaya-kun.”

He grabs Izaya’s arm then as they reach the window.

“That’s them! See?!”

He watches Izaya’s face as he looks, and can tell he’s freaked out as well. Shizuo hears him swallow.

“Yes, I suppose they do look a bit like us.”

“A bit?! They _are_ us, Izaya, look at them!” Shizuo starts tugging on Izaya’s arm. “Come on, let’s go in and talk to them. Then you’ll see.”

“No,” Izaya says, digging his heels in. “Are you crazy? This isn’t good, Shizuo. It’s like something out of Edgar Allen Poe. They could be here to take over our lives or something.”

“What? They’re not, I’m sure they’re not,” he says, though the thought gives him a chill.

“Well, there’s no way they’re just benign entities. They must want something.”

“I don’t know, they seem to just to do their own thing. They said they’re here all the time, but we just don’t see them.”

Izaya turns his head then, and Shizuo follows his stare. Their doppelgangers have spotted them through the window and are waving at them, beckoning them in.

“Come on,” Shizuo says to Izaya. “It’ll be fine, I swear. They’re nice.”

They both smile when Shizuo and a reluctant Izaya reach the table.

“Good to have you back,” Shizuo’s double tells him.

Izaya’s double is smiling at Izaya.

“Hi, Izaya.”

Izaya stares back at him without speaking.

“Well, fuck me,” he says eventually, and non-Shizuo titters a little.

“Sit down. Let’s talk.”

“I don’t understand,” Izaya says, but sits down anyway. He keeps staring at the nice version of himself.

“He thinks you’re evil spirits,” Shizuo adds helpfully, earning a glare from Izaya.

“Well, they could be.”

“I can see why you’d think that,” non-Shizuo says, leaning back in his chair. “But we’re not. We’re just you guys.”

Non-Izaya is nodding, focussed on Izaya.

“Let’s talk in private,” he says to him.

“I’m not going anywhere with you,” Izaya says.

“Not _go anywhere_ , just to another table,” non-Izaya says placatingly. He pulls Izaya up by the hand. “Come on.”

“He’s pretty paranoid, huh,” non-Shizuo muses, as non-Izaya drags his twin off.

“Eh, I don’t know, it’s a pretty reasonable reaction. Some weird shit happens in this town.” Shizuo says. He is looking after them wistfully. “Non-Izaya is so nice.”

“ _Your_ Izaya is nice too, y’know,” his double tells him, echoing non-Izaya's words from earlier.  

“If you say so.”

“I do. External factors bring out Izaya’s nasty side, the same way they bring out your temper.”

“Whatever. I think your Izaya’s great.”

“You realise he _is_ Izaya,” Shizuo’s double says, smiling. “There’s no ‘your Izaya’ or ‘my Izaya.’ There’s just Izaya. Same with you and me.”

“Well, whatever,” Shizuo says again, blushing. “If Izaya’s secretly so awesome, maybe he should be a little nicer to me once in a while.”

“And maybe you should be a little more patient with him,” non-Shizuo says. “Just sayin’.”

Shizuo goes to say something else, but forgets it instantly as non-Izaya leans over and gives his twin a little kiss on the lips. The real Izaya moves back so fast he almost breaks his chair. Non-Izaya is grinning at him cheekily.

“My Izaya’s a bit of a flirt,” Non-Shizuo says fondly. “So I’m guessing yours is actually a little shy.”

“Wouldn’t know,” Shizuo says, reddening. He wonders if non-Izaya will kiss _him_ like that, seeing as he apparently gives them out like hot cakes.

Non-Shizuo waves his hand in Shizuo’s face to get his attention.

“You realise that the more awesome you think we are, the shittier you two are? There needs to be a balance.”

“Hmm,” Shizuo says, still trying to watch Izaya without looking like he’s watching him. Aside from the clothes, it’s hard to tell which one is which, especially when the real Izaya’s expression is neutral instead of smirking or scowling. “What do you think they’re talking about?”

Non-Shizuo shrugs.

“Just stuff they need to talk about, I guess.”

Shizuo looks at him then, and finally seems to get the significance of their situation.

“So, what do you want to talk to me about?” he says. almost excitedly. “How do I run my own bar? How do I keep my temper?”

His double smiles at him through his pink sunglasses.

“You say that like there’s a magic bullet, like I’m going to tell you to meditate more or get a peace lily or something, and then your life will magically be perfect.”

Shizuo deflates a little. He’d been kind of hoping that was the case.

“I’m you,” non-Shizuo tells him, grinning. “We’re the same. Everything that’s in me and everything I am is the same as you. Like them,” he nods at the twin Izayas. “I don’t know why we’re here, or why you’re just seeing us now. I’d tell you if I did. But I think you just need to be kinder to yourself. Take more time to chill.”

Shizuo nods slowly.

“What about you guys?”

“I guess it’s the same for us,” he says. “Neither of us are very assertive, and Izaya – my Izaya, that is, – can be a little naïve. He’s a bit of a pushover, too. I worry about him sometimes.”

“Have you guys always been best friends?”

“Pretty much. Something just clicked when we met.”

Shizuo shakes his head. It’s too weird.

“Come on, give me more advice. I know there’s no magic bullet, but you must have some tips. What makes you happy?”

“Music,” he says, after a moment.

“Yeah?” Shizuo says, trying not to look disappointed. He’s not convinced a good CD will change his life.

Non-Shizuo is nodding seriously. “Music is important.”

“I don’t listen to as much music as I used to. What do you like?”

“Same as you,” he says, grinning. “Cheesy love songs. Izaya likes his stuff a bit darker. But we find a lot we both like.”

“Aside from music,” Shizuo says. “What’s the best thing about your life?”

Non-Shizuo thinks for a minute.

“You’re not going to like this, but it’s probably him.” He nods at non-Izaya.

“Oh, come on.”

“I’m serious,” he says. “He’s so different, it’s like he makes up for parts of me I don't have. And he’s always there for me. I don’t know what I’d do without him.”

Non-Izaya starts waving to him then, and non-Shizuo smiles back at him.

“Excuse me a sec.”

They have a brief conversation, before non-Shizuo sits with Izaya, and non-Izaya is suddenly in front of him. He doesn’t kiss Shizuo, but he’s grinning like he’s thinking about it.

“Hi.”

“...Hi,” Shizuo says, his chest filling with warmth the way it had earlier.

“Did you two have a nice chat?” non-Izaya asks, still grinning.

“Yeah, I guess. How about you and Izaya?”

“Definitely.” His smiles fades a little. “I’ve been wanting to talk to him for a long time. I think he’s unhappy.”

“Ehh, he’s fine,” Shizuo says. He wonders if it would be tactless to tell non-Izaya that his double has a penthouse and a hundred girls in love with him.

Non-Izaya does not look convinced.

“Could you do something for me?” he says hesitantly.

“Of course,” Shizuo says at once. “Anything.”

“Could you – could you try and look out for him, now and then? I know he doesn’t make it easy.”

His fuchsia eyes stare into Shizuo’s, imploring with him, and Shizuo finds a little bit of himself melting. “Sure,” he hears himself saying. “I’ll do my best.”

Non-Izaya smiles.

“Thanks. Because we are all the same, you know. That’s why I thought it would be a good idea for my Shizuo to speak to him, and for me to speak to you. I think it’s important that we see that other side to each other.”

Shizuo nods, not really understanding.

They move on to other things, mostly music. He and Shizuo’s own double are apparently obsessed.

“Can I see you again?” Shizuo says suddenly, feeling stupid, like he’s on a date and pushing his luck, but he can’t help himself. “You’re just – you’re so _nice_. It’s like you’re a stranger in Izaya’s body. I can’t get over it.”

Non-Izaya is smiling a little sadly.

“No offence, but I think he’s probably thinking the same thing about you over there.” He tilts his head towards the other table as he talks. “I wish we could. I wish I could say the four of us could have dinner and go to the movies and stuff, but honestly I think tonight is it. And anyway, it’s kind of stupid, isn’t it. We’re the same people.” He says this with particular emphasis. “You have to get this ‘opposites’ thing out of your head, Shizuo. I am Izaya. I am the side of Izaya that you don’t see. I'm here all the time.”

He smiles at Shizuo, and Shizuo gives a half-hearted smile back. This guy definitely isn't here all the time.

After a while, Izaya and his twin return. Shizuo’s twin sits next to him, opposite the real Izaya, and non-Izaya stays opposite Shizuo.

“I think we have to go now,” non-Shizuo says.

“Go?” Shizuo echoes. “Go where?”

Non-Izaya shrugs, reaching across the table to take Shizuo's hand.

“I feel it too. I guess we’ve said all we needed to say.”

“So that’s it?” Izaya says, as non-Shizuo also takes his hand. “I still don’t understand.”

“Don’t worry,” Non-Shizuo tells him. “It’s time we left anyway. We left the show hours ago. We’ve just been sitting here talking, even before you guys came along.”

“Are you guys - dating?” Izaya blurts.

“Not really,” Non-Izaya grins, unphased. “We’re not really dating because you two don’t really hate each other.”

The world gets blurry then. Shizuo hangs on to non-Izaya’s hand, trying to focus on his face. A moment later, the fuzzy edges of his vision sharpen back into reality, and it is the real Izaya opposite him, holding his hand, and they are alone.

They blink at each other, and let go.

“Woah.” Izaya says.

Shizuo looks around himself. The bar is still half empty, with no trace of their twins or even their glasses, and no-one pays any attention to Shizuo and Izaya. Shizuo checks his watch, and it is gone four in the morning.

Izaya is staring at him when he looks up.

“Still think it was demons?” Shizuo jokes.

Izaya shrugs. He looks as exhausted now, as exhausted as Shizuo feels.

“Pretty friendly demons.”

“Hmm.”

They look down at the table not saying anything. Shizuo struggles to look at Izaya without thinking about his doppelganger, and feeling sad as hell. Then he remembers what the other had said, that he is here all the time. Shizuo is looking at him right now.

“Can you send me those photos,” Izaya says suddenly. Then he sighs. “We should have taken more.”

“Sure.”

He sends the photos, pausing for a moment to look at them again, pink eyed versions of himself and Izaya winking and posing with each other.

“Isn’t it funny how they were best friends?” Shizuo says out loud.

“Not really,” Izaya deadpans. “We’re enemies, after all.”

Shizuo doesn’t say anything for a minute.

“I’m glad I brought you here,” Shizuo says. “It would have drove me crazy for the rest of my life if I hadn’t.”

“I think it’s going to drive me crazy for the rest of my life anyway,” Izaya says. “I’m left with more questions than answers. What were they? Where they ghosts from our childhood, or another world, or what? If it actually is a reality TV show then I’m going to kill everyone.”

Shizuo isn’t listening.

“Are you going to try and be nicer?” he says. “ ‘cos I’m definitely going to try and lose my temper less. I want to be that guy.”

“You practically are that guy, Shizuo,” Izaya says morosely. “You were really similar. Mine on the other hand was a fucking angel. It’s depressing.”

“He’s you, Izaya,” Shizuo reminds him. “He’s all you.”

“Mmm,” he says, not sounding convinced. “I hope we remember all this in the morning. I hope it won’t all just fade like a dream.”

“We have photos,” Shizuo reminds him. “And it _is_ morning.”

Sure enough, sunlight strikes their table in stripes through the window.

Shizuo leans in to get it out of his eyes.

“You wanna go get some breakfast?”

“I’m kind of tired.”

“Right. Me too.”

Neither of them get up to leave.

Shizuo keeps sneaking glances at Izaya, trying to settle something with himself. He senses he’s going to miss Izaya’s double more than he’ll miss his own. But then he remembers what non-Izaya had told him, that Shizuo can see him any time he wants. In fact, Shizuo is sitting opposite him right now.

“We should try hanging out sometime,” Shizuo says. “Go to a concert or something, seeing as they were so hot on it. It might be OK. They’re us, after all.”

Izaya had been staring at him, but a smile spreads over his face now.

“I’d like that,” he says. “After we’ve slept.”

“Sure. After.”

They walk home in the rising sun, the neighbourhood beginning to stir around them.

“I’ll call you,” Shizuo says, when they’re about to turn their separate ways.

“Sure,” Izaya says again, and it might be the low sun, it might be the lack of sleep, but the difference between Izaya and non-Izaya is suddenly blurred. “See you.”


End file.
